Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I puked a lego.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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