He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
