I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
