Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
