So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
