How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
