it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
