I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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