Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
