I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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