remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
