Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
