I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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