it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
