So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Randomize
