I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
