just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
