Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
