wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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