he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
