i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
