Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
