you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
