It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
