walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think people are normalizing furries
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
