if i can run in heels then i can drive
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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