He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
