That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
