i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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