I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
