grandma shit on top of the toilet
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
