I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think my moral compass just broke
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
