Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
