And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
