My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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