can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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