Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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