all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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