Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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