she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
