dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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