Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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