did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
