upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
