Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
