So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
