Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
