Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize