I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
