What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
