she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
