Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
