And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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